Cheap Shot recognized his oppurtunity, and took the rest of the batteries from the drawer. The robot pilots gave a curious buzz as to the sudden weight balance shift in the room, but one robot went out and took a small amount of candy bars from the Medical Ward/Sleeping Quarters to replace the load and figured everything was perfectly fine. Cheap Shot agreed and went back to the guide.
"This is the East Wing, where food manufacturing takes place. Our technicians have got to such an advanced point that we can turn the vaccuum of space into food!" said the guide.
"Ooooooh." said the tourists.
"Um... that's really good."
"Aaaaaah."
"Hey - what happens if you eat this food?" asked one.
"Well, your appetite doubles, but that's what the weekly candy deposits are for. They take the earth's gravity and minimalizes it."
"Are you telling me these people aren't eating?"
"No, I'm saying they just eat weird stuff and survive the same way any weird people do."
"Oh."
Cheap Shot wandered in, and looked out the window. The vast reaches of outer space looked so promising. That's what he'd thought all those years ago. He wished he still believed it. The horrible pancake accident that had ended his parents life sticking him in an orphanage where he developed a fantastic ability to insult others.
He looked down now, remembering how his life would be so much more peaceful if the infamous 'pancake incident' had never occurred. He put his hands on the rail and looked out the window. It was just blackness out there now. There was nothing out there, but he had a job to do. He checked the clock. 12:56. He sighed. There was another hour to wait.
He looked at the wall behind him and grinned a little. Taking one of the pencils he'd taken from the Medical Ward, he began to draw pictures on it. For the first time since the pancake incident, he felt somewhat satisfied.
Suddenly, the wall sprung to life, his drawing caused a small bottle to come out of the wall! Picking it up, he sniffed it and drank it. 'Iced Tea? How bizarre.' he thought. Then he had an idea...
The house was quite the site. It was fairly small, but there was a path leading downward, but very little light down below. Fortunately, HSH's rockets were a fairly good source of light.
After looking around and deciding the top of the house had been blown away quite successfully, they went downstairs.
"Gee. Pretty dark, huh?" said HSH.
"Well, I think weird rickety houses are supposed to be that way." said Scoop.
"Oh... right."
"Well, look over here. No just a wall. Why is there no space down here?"
"It's a hallway." realized Jack Frost.
"HALLERAY!" roared Rocketbuddy smacking nose-first into a wall.
"Right." said Scoop looking ahead, "Looks like it continues. Darker, though. I trust it."
"Yeah."
"Well, I mean - if you were looking for Spa Cream in an old rickety house, where would you look?"
"Yeah."
Scoop and the party continued down the stairs, looking ahead into what looked like a well preserved room.
It was quite large, and dome-shaped. It was filled with barrels and boxes and shelves. There were several desks and papers lying all around it. Scoop and Jack Frost began examining while High-Speed Head kept a watch on Rocketbuddy.
"Hey," said Jack reading one of the papers "Look at this. Seems whoever... lived here, I guess, was somewhat of a diary taker. Here's what they wrote on this page...;"
The rains don't end. I don't know if I can take much more of this. I've had so much spare time that I built a room as large as this. Fantastic, though. I think I figured out why the couple that lived here before were so eager to sell it - and why I seem to have no neighbours.
It's hard to keep going - especially with some of the stuff I have to eat. Oh well, tomorrow, I'll begin writing my library. I might as well do something with this room.
March 8th, 14562
-Elrin Relris
"Wow." said Scoop "He wrote... all these books on the shelves?"
"Looks like it." said Jack.
"Incredible... who was it again?"
"Uh... Elrin Relris. You heard of him?"
"No... not until now, anyway."
"Oh. Well, let's look around a bit more. I don't like spending time in a house filled with moss and grime."
"Wimp."
"Oh shut up."
"Hey!" said HSH "Look at this! Is this what we're looking for?"
"The spa cream!" cried Scoop looking at the oddly shaped green/gray package of what appeared to read 'For aches and pains and those other things that other creams just can't seem to solve - Gordo's Glorious Gunk'.
As they grabbed it, they realized it was lightly tied to a hook. As they removed it, a terrible ripping sound occurred behind them. A horrible sound, like bones cracking and a thousand souls screaming came from behind them as a large dark shape took form. It had a large deformed skull for a head, with a gooey black dripping substance coming from its arms and mouth. It's body seemed to be composed of the darkness.
The heroes turned to face it, as the horrible sound came again, the superheroes held their ears and the creature spoke.
"WHO ARE YOU TO DISTURB THIS DEFILED PLACE?"
"Well, my name's Scoop and this is Jack Fr-"
"SILENCE. YOUR INTRUSTION IS ONLY TO STEAL FROM THE DEAD WHO HAVE TERRIBLE BACK PAIN. PREPARE TO DIE!"
The superheroes prepared themselves, as the great beast smashed one giant bony hand into the floor in front of them, sending them all falling downward towards a pit that seemed slightly brighter. On the way down they noticed many twisted and breaking stone staircases. At last they landed, three floors below their previous position. The room was more lit than the above one. There was a faint light green light throughout.
Suddenly a high discoey guitar began. A disco ball hung shabbily from the ceiling and began to spin. At least fifty dead corpses manifested from the ground and began to move in contorted and wretchedly awful positions.
"So it's true," said HSH "disco IS dead..."
"Wow." said Scoop looking around. There seemed to be a small concession stand with free food. Deciding to investigate what the dead ate, he walked over. Passing through the crowd of disco dead, he was able to grab a small deck of weird looking cards and a closed bottle of dark liquid.
"What do we do, Scoop?" asked Jack Frost.
"Get out of here, hopefully. I don't like disco much."
"There don't seem to be stairs."
"Well look around - there's gotta be some way to get out of here."
"Right. Hey - there's an elevator down..."
"Well, should we check it out or join the party?" Scoop asked himself. They still had to find the diamond thing.
Two Steps accosted a thin pale man walking along.
"Sirrah, sirrah!" he called dramatically.
"W-what? Who... who are you?" asked the man.
"I am Two Steps Ahead Of You Man!" he said triumphantly. "I'll read your fortune if you can tell me how to find fishskin suits for my friend and I."
"Hm? It better be accurate..."
"I'm Two Steps ahead of you..."
Walrus Man walked up to Perrywinkle and asked:
"I'm getting bored. Isn't there something evil to do?"
"Sure. Find an animal and kill it."
"Uh... I can't leave the ship."
"Not without me, at any rate. Come on, let's go wreak some havoc."
"Sounds good."
The two went back to the Fridgerocket and flew away into space. They were intercepted by a flying mole, however, which spun them off course and landed them on another asteroid. It seemed to have a bit of vegetation on it, but it was still very cold, and Walrus Man was developing motion sickness.
"Well this is good." said the mole "The Fridgerocket is destroyed - how are we going to live now?"
Walrus Man and Perrywinkle looked at each other, both remembering what Perrywinkle had said. The mole died within seconds.
Still, they had no way to get to the watch, and the mole wouldn't last forever. And neither would this asteroid.
Two Steps, Unbelievable, Happy, Lactose Intolerant and Average walked for hours through rapidly changing weather before they reached the village - which lookd really unused, as everyone stayed inside to watch television for the weather network.
Soon enough, though, there was Bringhaldi Emporium, looking welcoming and friendly. Inside, there was a gigantic assortment of equipment that included mini-figures to sports cars, to hats with wings to socks with tails. Everything was in no particular order, and most of the heroes decided this place was where they were supposed to be. A small man in a white uniform with a gray hat waddled up perkily to them.
"Hello. I'm George, what can I do for you?"
"Well," said Average "A snack would be nice."
"No you idiot!" said Two Steps "We're looking for Prometheus."
"Oh," said George looking down "He isn't here."
"Not here? Why not?"
George shifted his feet uncomfortably.
"He's just out for a few eternities or so..."
"Whoah - we need to see him now."
"You can't."
"Why not?" asked Lactose Intolerant Man.
"I just told you; he's not here!" said George.
"Well fine, then. Maybe if you need one of us, we won't be there."
"He's not here."
"Tell us where he went." said Happy.
"I'm hungry..." whined Average.
"Ouch!" muttered Ubelievable Man as he stepped out of a bear trap.
"Look - we need to talk to Prometheus about fishskin suits." said Two Steps.
George looked up shocked.
"Only Prometheus has the key to that room."
"Well yes, that's why we need him."
"Right. Look, he left last night for some reason. He headed out towards the Greeeeeeeenwood."
"The Greeeeeeeenwood?"
"It's just north of here. I'll let you guys use the back exit."
"Well how about a snack, too?" asked Average.
"Gah... fine." said George and handed him a small bag of pretzels.
The superheroes walked out towards the Greeeeeeeenwood. Deciding to flex on their way out and strike numerous poses. The wood was only ten feet away, but it took them three hours to reach it.
A chest full of weapons and ammo was next, but what popped out was not. Instead, a pair of safety scissors and three small metal discs popped out. Shrugging again, he pocketed these, too.
He drew a bag next, but that only gave him a wallet. Shrugging once more, he put all his items in the wallet and then the bulging wallet in his front pocket.
The last thing he drew was crazy undetermined pattern of thoughts and stories. The wall popped out a piece of paper which read "There is no such thing as an experience generator, however, the effort is not waisted. +3 EXP".
"Oh. Goody." said a disappointed Cheap Shot. The time was five minutes before the hour. Checking he had everything, he slowly made his way back to the West Bridge, where the Gumkobots were powering down. There he contemplated on what to do next.
Suddenly, as the party was starting, the mole flew in and landed in front of Scoop.
"Scoop!" it rasped "I'm dead!"
"What?"
"Yeah! Perrywinkle killed me!"
"No way!"
"Yes way!"
"No way!"
"Yes way!"
"Fine. Well - if you're here and dead... are we dead?"
"Nah, I think you're probably the ones that fell three floors."
"How did you know?"
"Eh, call it intuition."
"Intuition, eh? Alright."
"By the way - Perrywinkle's starting to figure out that watch he stole. But we're safe right now - he's on a speeding asteroid."
"Oh, well let's party then."
"Yee. Haw." said the mole after a while.
"You don't sound very enthusiastic... maybe you aren't a superhero after all." said Scoop.
"I'm a mole."
"Yes. But it's not that bad..."
"I don't care, alright? We just have to stop Perrywinkle from controlling the universe."
"SCOOP!" came a yell suddenly. It was Father Time and Old Man Winter. They floated down in front of Scoop.
"Got some bad news unfortunately."
"What's the news?"
"Cell's failing."
"What?"
"English and grammar."
"So why are you telling me?"
"Good point."
"No - Cell's failing at holding the universes in alignment!" said Old Man Winter.
The music stopped. The dead twisted to focus on Old Man Winter.
"That's right." he said "Cell is failing."
"Why?!" cried one dead party-goer.
"Because this universe is becoming filled with corruption and power."
"How?" asked Jack Frost.
"Mother Nature going crazy... and Cell isn't as strong as we all thought he was."
"Gee willikers!" said HSH.
"Who's she?" asked Father Time.
"High-Speed Head, and I'm sure Rocketbuddy will be along shortly." said Scoop. Father Time gave a quizzical look.
"Nevermind. It's not that important. We've got to save the universe."
"ALPHABUDDY." said Rocketbuddy.
"Right..." said Old Man Winter "Well, do you have the Spa Cream?"
"Yeah. Here, take it." said Jack handing the cream to Old Man Winter.
"Thanks. Look - there's a diamond thing running around, and-"
"We know."
"How? Did you go spoiling the plot again."
"...Yes. We're sorry."
"Alright. Well, as long as you're sorry."
"So what do we do now?" asked HSH "The situation's pretty bleak."
"You might think so..." said a hollow voice from one of the dead party-goers "But we might be able to help."
"Huh?"
"We know how you can defeat the diamond thing."
"Tell us!"
"Well, we don't know how off-hand, but if we have the right ingedients for the soup, we can predict how to defeat it."
"Well - alright. What do you need?"
"Three porcupine quills, a box of stamps, three blocks of cheese, an artsy award and three poems written by Umbu Zebula III."
"So you know that off-hand, but not how to defeat the thing?"
"Right." said the dead one, and the other dead things nodded in agreement.
"Father Time and I will go give Mother Nature this cream, and you guys get those things and learn how to defeat the diamond thing. We can take you somewhere if you need to get there, though, before we go see Mother Nature."
"Well let's see..." said Scoop.
Eventually, they'd figured it out, though. They were flying around again, but Zantar was nowhere in sight.