THE FANTASTIC SIX BILLION

Scoop took charge, fearlessly separating the entire team. As they rocketed out of the house on Old Man Winter's breath, they said hasty goodbyes and then watched as the landscape came rushing up to meet them at different points on the planet. Looking up after getting up off the ground, Scoop surveyed the scene. This seemed to be a very grassy area. Long strands of grass, much of which was yellow grain looking, blew at waist level. He started marching along wondering how porcupine quills would turn up here. But they would, he figured, turn up. They always did.

He walked forward for a few minutes before realizing that there was gassland for miles about. He was lost. He took another step forward and fell flat on his face. His foot was caugh in a small hole. Moments later, a groundhog popped out of the ground, huffy and angry.
"Would you mind? I've got a family, you know. Klutz."
"Whoah... sorry." said Scoop "I can't see that far down."
"OOOH! Calling us low class, eh? Well I-"
"No no no... what I meant was that I lost my way, and I was absent mindedly looking for porcupine quills."
"Oh... this doesn't by chance have to do with a recipe of prediction from dead people, does it? Because if it does, the thing that asks me for the quills is gonna recieve quite the beating."
"Uh... of course not. I just lost my way. I don't know how to get back."
"Back where?"
"I forget."
"Well... one minute..." the groundhog trundled off into the hole and then came back moments later with a towel.
"What's this for?"
"It's a memory towel."
"A what?"
"A memory towel."
"Yes, I know the name, I meant what is it?"
"A memory towel..."
"No, I- what does it do?"
"Well, whenever you can't remember something, you stick it to your forehead and you can remember whatever it is you want to remember. It's like a camera for your memory."
"Cool."
"Yeah. Now beat it." and with that, the groundhog stomped off underground and left Scoop alone.

Scoop continued to walk along for a while, occassionally tapping the towel to his forehead to remember why he'd chosen to become a superhero in such troubled times. Then he realized he'd rather remember fun things like the disco party with the dead as a reward for killing the diamond thing and saving the universe yet again. And then he remembered the taste of the meal he'd eaten at "Chez Cuthbert". It had been good.

As he continued, he became more aware of the grass growing shorter and shorter. There seemed to be an abundance of insects, as well. There was also a lot of dead insects on the bottom of his shovel feet, as well.

At long last, he came to a large free standing rock. He looked in the distance, only more grass - and it seemed to be taller away from the rock, but still tall nearby.

He put his hand to the rock, and it was extremely smooth despite it's rough appearance. It was a deep blue coloured rock and seemed to be quite cool.

Suddenly something that was breaking the sound barrier rocketed overhead. A shockwave of air knocked Scoop to the ground and sent him flying thirty feet through the air to an uncomfortable landing on the ground. The rock twisted and fell over on its side. There was an open pit underneath it, with a naturally carved ladder in the stone beneath. Being adventurous, Scoop entered.

* * * * *

Perrywinkle and Walrus Man hurled through the stratosphere at unimaginable speeds. They slowed down very slightly to the point where their skin wasn't falling off their face, but still very fast. They flew through the atmosphere, as the rocket screamed throught the sky.

It had begun moments ago, when Perrywinkle could no longer hold in the rocks.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" they screamed, horrified at the speed that the world was flying past them.
"Something always seems to go wrong when we look for Scoop!" screamed Walrus Man.
"Shut up and drive!" shrieked Perrywinkle.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

They circled the planet once, and began to slow down. The tree branches whipped their shins cruelly before their flaming ship came to rest in a grassland outside a VERY disgruntled groundhog's house.

"Hi there." said Perrywinkle "We're lookin-"
"WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE? FIRST IT'S YOUR SHOVEL FEET, NOW IT'S A DAMNED FLYING FRIDGE?!"
"Did you say shovel feet?"
"YEAH, AND-"
"Which way did he go?"
"THAT WAY. AND YOU GUYS BETTER WATCH YOUR BACK. AS SOON AS I HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS I'LL CARRY A BASEBALL BAT WITH ME. JUST YOU WAIT!"
"Thanks." said Walrus Man and Perrywinkle as they bounded off in the direction that Scoop had gone.

* * * * *

Scoop reached the bottom of the hole, it was about two hundred feet deep, and Scoop was a slow crawler, so hey. Suddenly, a shadow dropped over him.
"Scoop?" it was Perrywinkle.
"No." said Scoop trying to fool his 'father' "Nobody here but us rocks."
"Oh." said Perrywinkle as he began to walk away "Sorry to bother you..."
"Perrywinkle! That WAS Scoop!"
"My son wouldn't lie..."
"He's not your son, then."
"SHUT UP! He's my son... and I LOVE HIM! (but not really...)" said Perrywinkle grabbing Walrus Man by the collar of his suit. Then looking down to Scoop he said;
"Sorry, but if you're lying to me, son... well, that's a paddlin'."
"Nope, just us rocks."
"Oh. Well, can I come down for a look?"
"Uh... no. The rocks are miserable."
"Well misery loves company!" said Perrywinkle and walked into the pit, falling two hundred feet and landing with a thud on the earth.

"SCOOP! It is you."
"Uh... no, no it's not..."
"Yes! Yes it is! I'd recognize those shovel feet anywhere!"
"What... shovel feet?"
"The ones on your feet!"
"AAAAAAAAH!" screamed a voice from above. It was Walrus Man falling after his boss, and landing with a loud smack against the earth.
"Idiot." muttered Perrywinkle "Look, Scoop, you've been running from us long enough. Why don't you just give in and join the evil guys for once?"
Scoop shook his head. "I'd never join your evil cause."
"Evil is in the eye of the beholder..." said Walrus Man.
"Shut up, you don't know what you're talking about, evil trainee."
"No, you guys don't understand. I've experienced too much good-guy stuff. Like friendship and crap like that."
"Well, no wonder you're so dillusional..."
"Dillusional?"
"Dillusional."
"Care to elaborate?"
"Not really."
"What he means," said Walrus Man standing up and brushing dust off him "is that you can't see that your friends aren't real."
"They're artificial?" asked Perrywinkle and Scoop.
"No, but we're the only ones who are your real friends."
"That's not true - Two Steps and Unbelievable will be here any second."
"That's why they're not here to help you when you need them most..."
"They wouldn't let me down. Ever."
"Oh stop being so emotional. You're a superhero, dammit. Just join us and make this easy." said Perrywinkle.
"Hey - I've become the main good guy. We can't really formulate a good story if I become evil."
"Oh yes we can."
"Stop it! You've ruined my life enough!"
"Oh, now that's not true. I gave you your allowance AND your easy bake oven."
"Well, I'm grown up now. In case you haven't noticed, I'm over ten years old now. But I do like that easy bake oven..."
"Come on..."
"No. I came here to do the thing that I'm supposed to be thinging."
"Pardon?"
"It doesn't matter. I'm not staying around you guys unless it's for a fight. But right now, we don't have time for that."
"Oh yes we do."

Scoop ran down a tunnel and darted right before Perrywinkle and Walrus Man had even started moving. He continued on until he reached a room that had a skylight in it. There were waterfalls all over. Hearing Perrywinkle and Walrus Man come up behind him, he dived off the edge of the cliff and landed in the water, causing quite a splash. He crept behind a rock and felt grass beneath his knees as he poked hi head out to see if Perrywinkle and Walrus Man had seen him jump. They hadn't, but they'd heard him.

They thudded down the hallway and looked into the room. There, they noticed, in their state of extreme calmness, they noticed a small package in the center of the room, on a small gazebo. Hopping down, splashing water, the two swam by, not noticing Scoop.

"Hm." said Perrywinkle picking up the package "Porcupine quills... who would stick them here? Oh well, better take them with us."

"Oh, that's ironic." groaned Scoop, getting up and slowly creeping up behind them. All he had to do was grab the bag and run, but the two of them could smash him if he got too close. He had to set up a trap somehow.

There was very few resources to use in the room. A few rocks, the water, wet rocks, grass, and a couple small, light blue, fish.

Scoop stared at his plan - a trap created from the items, waiting for his chance. It never came unfortunately. Perrywinkle decided to follow the sign's instructions and handed the quills to Walrus Man.
"Oh what the hell." said Scoop and scissor kicked towards Walrus Man, who reacted just in time to avoid having a sliced-off arm.

"Oh great." said Perrywinkle "He's feeling rebellious again."
"WHY DON'T YOU DIE?!" cried Scoop.
"Now now, I think somebody needs a nap."
"DUDE! THIS IS NOT COOL!"
"Yes, well. I may not be as groovy as I used to be..."
"AAARGH! You don't get it, do you?"
"That depends on what 'it' is." said Walrus Man.
"Shut up." said Perrywinkle "I understand everything. Perefectly, too."
"Uh?" said Scoop.
"That's right. I understand everything. You just don't know how to show how much you love me, so you take out your anger on my evil cronies."
"Um, no?"
"Yes, it's quite clear now. Son, listen." Perrywinkle spread his arms as wide as possible "I love you THIS BIG!"
"You're scaring me."
"Me too." said Walrus Man.
"Shut up - are you part of the family? Huh?" said Perrywinkle.
"No..."
"Then go to your room!"
"What?"
"Just keep your mouth shut."
"Hm. Okay."
Scoop was just annoyed now. He lunged at Walrus Man and ripped the package of porcupine quills out of his hands. Perrywinkle, disgusted with the behaviour, punched him across the room.

"Oof!" grunted Scoop hitting the wall with a thud.
"Just because he's an idiot doesn't mean you beat him up!" shouted Perrywinkle.
"Hey, calm down. I just wanted the quills."
"I can get you lots of quills."
"These ones are fine, thanks."
"I can get you a quill bed if you'd like - or even a quill futon."
"Look - you're evil, I'm good. It doesn't work, unless we're fighting!"
"Fight, huh? You got it."

Perrywinkle lumbered forward menacingly, but Scoop was all about getting away. He sprinted for the cliff and bounced off the rock, but Perrywinkle was hot on his heels, and catching up quickly.

Scoop thought quickly, but Perrywinkle tackled him before he could get any further.

"Why must you toture yourself, Scoop?"
"Because it's in the good guy's contract?"
"Do you have the contract with you?"
"Would you ever doubt it?"
"Can we stop asking questions?"
"Would you mind?"
"Does it look like it?"
"Will you let me go?"
"Just give me the contract."
"Fine, just let me get up first." there was no way Scoop could escape now. He was too bruised and tired. Resigned, he handed Perrywinkle the contract, as a very confused Walrus Man jogged up behind them.
"Hey I-"
"Shut up." said Perrywinkle "Whoah - you actually signed this, son? WHY? Look at this:

The Good Guy's Contract:

1. You must defend the ways of justice and truth, even if it means giving your family members a whoopin.
2. You must help old ladies across the street.
3. Say kind words to friends, and beat up enemies. A lot.
4. Have a theme song.
5. Have a villain or villains to fight.
6. ...

Having read enough to confuse and disgust him, Perrywinkle looked up at Scoop.
"How could you agree to this? You have so much responsibility."
"I also have shovels for feet."
"Way cool - lemme see!"
"Fine." said Scoop, and side-swiped Perrywinkle in the face, knocking him unconscious. Walrus Man stared horrified. And then he put up his hands.
"Good." said Scoop and climbed out of the hole once more, but found he was still lost in a grassland and did not know how to get back to the Undead Discotheque Party.