Two Steps looked around at the other superheroes who stared, open-mouthed at the mist. Being curious, and two steps ahead of them, he leaped forawrd and embraced the mist. Everything swirled around him in a chaotic wave of whiteness. An old grouchy woman rode by on a bicycle screaming about him and his little dog, too. He paid her no attention, and stared around, feeling his body leave the ground.
After about two minutes, he decided that floating around was pretty cool except that he couldn't really see or do anything. So he relaxed and fell asleep.
...
When he awoke, the other superheroes and Prometheus were sitting around him, writing funeral invitations and making arrangements, when he stood up and said "Hey."
"AAAAAAAH! HE'S BACK FROM THE GRAVE!" screamed the other heroes.
"No... I just woke up again. Remember?"
"Uh... oh. Okay, well good to have you um... alive, er, awake again." said Unbelievable Man.
"Come on - let's get those fishskin suits."
"Quite right," said Prometheus "You did after all save myself from myself from mummifying myself under a spell of hypnosis."
"Hypnosis?"
"Yeah, that's what I said."
"Well - who did that?"
"It... was... George!"
"He seemed like a good guy."
"Well yes, but he gets on my nerves so I tried to kill him."
"Huh?"
"Yeah - so he hypnotised me for his own safety."
"Oh. Okay."
"Come on, let's go."
Two Steps stood up and immediately a bolt of white enrgy sprung from his hand striking a nearby tree, nearly snapping its thin trunk in half and causing sparks to fly.
"Whoah, guys? Something's wrong." said Two Steps.
"What do you mean something's wrong? We're getting fishskin suits so we can stop the Weathermen - that's all that's wrong." said Lactose Intolerant Guy.
"No... I mean I just killed that tree."
"Fine time to become an environmentalist."
"No! I mean something just popped out of my fingers."
"Well it was nothing important, I mean-"
Suddenly Two Steps was angry and smashed Lactose Intolerant Guy with a burst of the energy, sending him flying a short distance.
"Dude! You just shot me."
"I didn't mean to! Honest!" said Two Steps raising his hands as though he were surrendering.
"Well... what was that? You've never done that before."
"I... don't know."
"Operator. Did you just fire a bolt of energy? It alerted me of your location despite being in a Bamboozling Guzzbubble."
"Hey yeah - what's going on?"
"You're becoming a sprite."
"A PIXIE?"
"Not quite. You have the power to use magic, but it seems that you don't have much control over it."
"I could've told you that... but we've gotta go."
"Operator. *click*."
"Right - let's go." said Two Steps, deciding that magic was something not to worry about.
Confused, he looked up where the amounts of breakfast cereals were supposed to be. However, they were rapidly changing location causing the ship to shudder minimally and created new cereals, which seemed to include 'Honey Raisins', 'Chocolate Frosted Corn', and 'Charisma Filled Crunchy O's'.
The directional controls seemed to be set on autopilot. He poked around, and took a look at a few of the disks, as he ship began to vibrate more noticably. He took a look at some of the labels.
"Autopilot Install Disc"
"Audio Mixer Pro"
"Commander Biff and the Green Mutant Monsters"
"Autopilot Autorun"
Using common sense, he first inserted "Autopilot Autorun" which stabilized the ship. Then he played a few round of Commander Biff. After that, he looked around the room for a bit. He checked his possessions;
-4 tranquilizer darts
-2 potions of healing
-1 manual on operating an electric wrench
-3 No.2 pencils
-1 flashlight
-1 electric wrench
-1 pair of safety scissors
-3 small metallic discs
-1 wallet
-1 blue orange and purple flower
Deciding he might want something in the room, he looked around. There only seemed to be the cereals, and a nail file (which he took). He then looked at the robots, who looked like unconscious drunks slumped in the chair by a horrible con artist. Cheap Shot looked at the cereals and stared with disgust. They all seemed so bland and cheesy, but hey - hunger is hunger and food is food. So he chose the "Charisma Filled Crunchy O's". Immediately, he felt himself become very persuasive and feel his teeth struggling to crunch down, and when they did the crunches were indeed loud. When a security guard walked in to ask what was going on, he used his persuasiveness to tell him that everything was fine and he was the ship's new cereal taste-tester. After that was over, he felt quite revitalized.
The dead had already pulled out a large cauldron to mix the ingredients in.
"Glad you're back." said Father Time "We were wondering if it was safe for you to travel alone - I guess we're right. But if you killed a man, why would you take his big toe?"
"I didn't - it's mine."
"Why'd you cut off your own toe - or even your own feet for that matter?"
"I didn't."
"Well I-"
"I don't want to think about it, alright? Let's just focus on the real problem."
"Fine. Mr. Work-aholic... pshaw."
"Not me who's going to be alive forever."
"Okay, okay... fine. Let's do this."
Scoop stepped forward and passed the quills to one of the dead who was wearing a crown of thorns and a white disco outfit that was rather dusty.
"You sure you want to know this? Sometimes the predictions tell us things we don't want to know."
"I'm a superhero. I have to save the universe, remember?"
"Sorry."
"Right... three porcupine quills, a box of stamps, three blocks of cheese, an artsy award and three poems written by Umbu Zebula III. All are here, here goes nothing!"
"What do you mean here goes nothing?"
"We've never had to do this before."
"I thought you were a professional!"
"Sorry. Well, it says the one who is to take the knowledge must eat some of the soup."
"Uh huh... well, alright." said Scoop, and sticking his foot in the bubbling liquid he put it up to his mouth and began to drink.
Knowledge flooded his mind, voices screamed at him with haunting pitches and words that were never invented. He felt his body spinning and rising off the ground. He floated, back arched backwards, and suddenly the swirling and confusion stopped. He was there in black and white, occassionally watching the vision blur for brief moments.
"Hello?" he whispered. It echoed.
There wasn't much here - it seemed like some very dry grass was beneath his feet though - and he had feet! They weren't shovels, and his big toe wasn't disconnected - it was there! He laughed as the grass tickled his feet, but stopped laughing when it began to scratch him and make him itch. He stared with awe. There was no one else around. He continued forward. He noticed small things on the ground - a barber's razor, a record, a small journal entry and some drawings. There was no colour here, though. Just black and white.
He continued forward to where there was a small fire. It looked like someone was sitting there. It took him a moment to realize it was him.
"Um, hello?" he said timidly.
The image of himself flickered and disappeared.
He looked around - there ahead of him was the body of Cheap Shot. He ran forward and knelt down next to him. 'What happened?' he asked, but Cheap Shot flickered and disappeared as well. He stood up and looked around. In the distance, he spotted two large holes in the ground. He ran over and looked inside. The bodies of Unbelievable Man and Two Steps Ahead Of You Man lay in the separate pits, motionless and bloodied.
"Wh-what happened to you guys? What's the plan?!" he looked down. Their bodies didn't flicker.
"Help me!" Scoop said and jumped down to smack Two Steps across the face.
"HELP ME, YOU IDIOT!" he cried and then put his hand over Two Steps' heart. There was no pulse.
"No... this isn't how to defeat a demon. If everyone's dead, you can't defeat anything. NO! YOU'RE NOT DEAD! I WANT OUT! LET ME OUT OF HERE!"
A figure walked over, wrinkled face and a long white beard crouched over the pit.
"You know you can't heal the dead, or make things happen just by speaking."
"Who are you? Do you even know them?! Why-"
"I did."
"Wha... how?"
"Don't you recognize me?"
"Should I?"
"It's me - Oxymoron." he smiled that seemed to be a friendly shut up and listen, idiot.
"Oxymoron! What happened?"
"I'm not entirely sure... there was a great battle, yes. But there was much greed among one of the heroes that he did only what could benefit and save him."
"Sounds logical."
"Well, yes and no. They won the fight, but at a great cost, as you can see."
"Well, we'll stop Perrywinkle."
"You did." said Oxymoron and he bent down slowly, and he picked up the severed head of Perrywinkle. "It wasn't him."
"But... but, then who?"
"Look around you. Who is here that could stop such a chaotic force and had a great personal gain?"
"No one... they're all dead. Well, except for you and me."
"And I'm not a hero."
"Then... what you mean is..."
Oxymoron flickered and disappeared.
"...I killed them?"
Scoop climbed out of the pit angrily. There was no way he'd done this, there had been no personal gains for him, save his life - but that wasn't really a gain. And he still had no idea how to defeat the diamond demon.
Another man walked up in the distance. He was wearing a gray coat and smoked a pipe. He seemed disinterested in everything going on around him.
"Oxymoron?" called Scoop. The figure looked up, and then continued on his way. Scoop caught up to him.
"Oxy-" he began "Whoah... who are you?"
"My name is Elrin Relris."
"E...Elrin Relris? The one who built the library?"
The man puffed from his pipe.
"Was it you?" asked Scoop "Did you kill them?"
"Kill who?"
"My fr... er, the demon."
"No. I just entered this place. It's not often I can make contact with living people."
"Huh?"
"I'm dead."
"Oh."
"Yes... good thing you had that piece of my journal. Otherwise I could not talk to you."
"Uh... yay?"
"Hm. I suppose. Do you know what happened?"
"I'm looking for the hero that caused the deaths of my friends."
"Strange place to come looking for it."
"Well, you know..."
"Enlighten me."
"I don't want to talk about it... wait, do you know what happened?"
"There was a great battle - there were GODDs involved and in the end it was up to heroes to defeat demon heroes... they used what was known as the Umbrelly Boombox to defeat the diamond demon."
"Umbrelly Boombox. Got it. OKAY GUYS! I CAN COME BACK NOW!"
"There are others with you?"
"I have to go to the undead discotheque to tell them this information."
"Hm... they can't bring you back themselves."
"Well... I... um..."
"Look - you're not allowed to return to your original state until your knowledge has been fulfilled."
"Is that why you and Oxymoron are here?"
"Who's Oxymoron?"
"It's not important - but is that why you're here?"
"You might say that."
"And why isn't my knowledge enough?"
"You want to know how your friends died and who killed them."
"I... yeah, I guess."
"Start looking... I can help you as far as questions, but some things must be revealed by time, and other things are to be revealed by experimentation. Shall we begin our search then?"
"Well - what if the evil hero's got no unsolved information?"
"He has."
"What?"
"You."
Unbelievable Man casually strode up to Prometheus and said "Everyone is going to kill Two Steps."
"Is he that weak?"
"Um... no."
"And why do you want to kill him?"
"Because."
"Well don't."
"Why not?"
"Because."
"Why?"
"Because I said so."
"I hate that argument."
Eventually they made it back to the store where George and Prometheus reconciled and apologized and got the five heroes their own fishskin suit each.
"Yay." droned all the superheroes mechanically.
Ping-Pong, Barber Boy and a masked man stood surprised at their new surroundings.
"Right. This is a meeting." said Perrywinkle.
"To discuss what?" asked Barber Boy.
"I don't know."
"How about who he is?" suggested Walrus Man.
"No way - that's a stupid question. Who are you, anyway?" asked Parrywinkle addressing the masked man.
"I? I? I... am Bandito Man! Olé!"
"Right well - as long as you're here, welcome to the team."
"Olé!"
"Yes."
"I have your scissors by the way." said Bandito Man to an enraged Barber Boy.
"Something the matter?" asked Ping-Pong.
"Only that he TOOK MY SCISSORS EIGHT YEARS AGO!" screamed Barber Boy.
"Oh. Well. Let's talk about the meeting."
"Yes quite a meeting isn't it?" said Walrus Man.
"Shut up, Wanton Man." said Perrywinkle "Scoop has eluded our grasp again. I think we need reinforcements."
"Or a smart leader. Olé!" chided Bandito Man.
"Good plan." agreed Perrywinkle. There was a long pause.
"WAIT A SECOND... who are you suggesting is a smart leader?"
"Olé!"
"Right. Well. As some of you may know, the technicians are figuring out how to work that watch. Once that's done, we can go back in time to when Scoop was an infant and we can kill him."
"That's brilliant! How did YOU think of that?" asked Ping-Pong amazed.
"Olé! Good plan. Let's get back to your technicians then!"
"Uh... we can't. The ship is in another galaxy."
"WHAT? ... Olé!"